| (NON) FICTION |
[24. März 2012|22:44] |
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it's like getting punched in the face immediately following an orgasm. |
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| ORGANIZATION |
[09. Februar 2011|02:56] |
| [ | Aktuelle Stimmung |
| |  distressed | ] |
listen to how happy he is that everyone enjoyed it, bite your tongue but not enough, remind him that you didn't like it, discuss the same thing you discuss every time the surface issue is brought up. you will never understand.
internally: stew over it, remind yourself that it's okay, think "but _____ ?", become furious (irrationality is your specialty), get irate with/at yourself, feel yourself collapse under the guilt of being _____. consider yourself worthless.
remember that if this is the most offensive thing he does, you are pretty goddamn lucky and you're a piece of shit and you don't deserve such an immeasurably wonderful individual. (wonder when he will realize this himself.) struggle to grip why this weighs so heavily on your mind.
know that you will only hurt and insult him by explaining why it's so frustrating. acknowledge that hurting him will make you feel even less human than you do now. understand that there is nothing to gain from this venture.
fight your brain.
"what are you doing?"
wash, rinse, reload. |
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